This is it. This is the beginning. The beginning of my grand – and very public – experiment. Abyss of Chaos has been “finished” a couple dozen times already, but this blog marks the beginning of the end of revisions. It announces to everyone I know exactly what I’ve been up to for the last couple years. It is a flaming arrow pointing squarely at the release date and a timer wired in a pool of kerosene at the bottom of the page; I’ve always found the idea of blogging to be tricky, but not only because of these reasons.
Keeping a blog strikes me as similar to auditioning behind a screen – another experience that can be uncomfortable. Beneath a single ray of light, alone on a darkened stage, one can never be sure how many are listening beyond the barrier. For that matter, one cannot even be certain if anyone is listening at all. I’ve been on both sides of that equation and can attest to the sophomoric behavior which invariably occurs in each role. Maybe there’s a cosmic balance there, but probably not. After all, way more people lose auditions than win and the winners inevitably find themselves sitting on audition committees. Such is the nature of auditions. Such is the nature of blogs.
This is also the way of writing.
Of course, the real beginning, for me, was in those early days of struggle against my diagnosis. Uncertainty had moved in, making a home at our table and in our living room. It hogged the TV during our favorite shows. It drank all the coffee in the middle of the night. (It never slept, so why should we?)
Living with a disability strikes at the core of what a family is. It strikes at the plans a family makes together, forcing flexibility and resilience or forever tearing it apart. Fortunately, my family came equipped with leg warmers and balance beams – we had trained for “flexible.” The first draft of Abyss of Chaos was born then, against a several-month-long backdrop of writing, finishing a cello career, and preparing for a suddenly unknown future.
In the coming months, I will share some of that experience here, but this site’s primary purpose is to update those who are tracking my progress on Abyss and other projects. Please subscribe to my blog by following the link at the bottom of the page, and check back often for updated Abyss of Chaos content. Activity will intensify as the release date approaches.
Finally, pass the word along! I know there are people who must be curious about what is going on with me. Here, you’ll get it straight from the cellist’s mouth. I’ve heard some crazy rumors, but I’m really looking forward to learning some you may have heard. Maybe you can share them here for a laugh.