IT’S BEEN SAID EVERY STORY MUST START SOMEWHERE. Ours begins with a professional dork. The kind who fixes computers and lives in his gran’s basement. The kind tapped by destiny (that saucy minx) to become the world’s first superhero!
And not a moment too soon…
A nano-sized artificial intelligence is on the loose! It got itself dart-gunned into a cow butt by a frog man in a porn store! Two stoners are corrupting it on Twitter! And that’s just the first three pages!
Join our dork of destiny as he channels the Collective Unconscious—his psychic superpower—in a harrowing tale of high drama, romance, betrayal, revenge, Jesus chickens, cocaine, weirdos, magicians, ninjas, NFL spies, and disco ball water torture administered to the tune of Rapture, by Blondie. My god, man, what does it all mean!?
It means uncorking that next bottle of wine isn’t only a good idea—it’s advisable.
An average Joe has a chance to be a superhero and face off against a supervillain—using tech that may be deadly to the user—in Beem’s (Abyss of Chaos, 2011) offbeat comedy.
Edger (Ed-jer, as he constantly stresses) Bonkovich is a typical Dork—tech support at Über Dork, a subsidiary of InstaTron in San Diego. He knew InstaTron CEO/founder Mike Dame back at Notre Dame, where they discussed concepts Mike used to earn a degree and start his company. But now Mike needs Edger’s help. Someone has stolen InstaTron Tron, a cumbersomely named artificial intelligence, and released it. The villainous AI seems hellbent on creating anarchy. With an injection of nano-neuro medicine, Edger can access, via his own mind, the dreamlike Collective Unconscious (a database of everyone who’s ever lived) to recover the InstaTron Tron. Unfortunately, the AI is a necessary component to prevent the brain from information overload; without it, Edger will die within 96 hours. Complicating matters is a fiendish organization called Nostradamus. But Mike has also given Edger a ring that uses nanofibers to outfit him with a body-armored “space-ninja costume.” He even stumbles upon a few surprising allies in the Collective Unconscious, like Bruce Lee. Beem laces his absurdist plot with kooky imagery. The AI’s biological host is, at one point, a cow, and a nearly 300-pound defensive tackle may be a spy. These gags make it easy to ignore the sometimes-muddled plot points (the motive for stealing the AI is unclear). The characters, however, are earnest and multilayered. Edger, like any good superhero, battles baddies as well as personal issues, e.g., low self-esteem. He’s funny, too, dropping random words into common phrases (“What the kumquat?”).
Outlandish, hectic, and sometimes illogical but undeniably entertaining.
But wait—more taglines!
“A cow in a porn store. The mother of all cock-in-bull ideas.”
“When the world needs a hero with all the right moooves, a dork will rise…”
“There is no cow. There is only Zuul.”
“A tale of cows, cocaine, Jesus chickens, and one horny boy choir.”
Meet Edger, (Ed-jer) twenty-six-year-old gadget retail dork destined to become the world’s first superhero. His power: The ability to access the Collective Unconscious, a psychic network connecting the living—and the dead. The skills of Bruce Lee, Harry Houdini, or Michael Jackson are his to command… But first Edger must save himself. The injection necessary for stabilizing his power has been stolen. Without it, he’s got ninety-six hours to live. Standing in his way are two rival Cluck-n-Pray gangs, an evil cow, a Green Bay Defensive Tackle, rifle-toting assassins—and a pair of stoners who inadvertently create the world’s first supervillain after a wild night on Twitter.